When you encounter a person with poor listening skills, it is frustrating and counter-productive. One-way communication is linear and limited. In a workplace setting you want communication to include good feedback to let you know that your message has been received accurately. You cannot snap your fingers to make the other person listen, but there are steps you can take to create better communication with that person.
Your first step is to analyse the situation from more than one angle to uncover the underlying cause of the problem. Start with determining an answer to three basic questions.
Question #1 starts with an evaluation of your role in this experience:
A yes to any of these questions, means it is time to be quiet and do something different.
When you are certain that you are not negatively contributing to the problem you have to take some time to figure out more about the listener so you can determine answers to the next two questions.
Questions #2 is an evaluation of the listener's attitude or ability to listen:
While you speak, observe the listener to look for cue as to how the listener is reacting to what you say. This gives you a better perspective on how to approach communicating with him or her.
Question #3 - Are you aware of the listeners emotional state?
Emotions like fear, sadness, or prejudice erect barriers to effective communication. People have personal lives that overflow into their work environment. You cannot engage in gossip, but you can be observant and become more aware of how your co-workers are feeling.
Strategy #1 - Adjust your approach to how you share your message:
In any workplace setting you will often encounter an individual or two with poor listening skills. Therefore it is certainly worth your while to boost your communication skills by learning how to adjust your approach to sharing a message so you can effectively communicate with each person that you encounter. Sure, in the beginning, it is a bit more tedious, but in the long run it is certainly less frustrating and proficient when you can find a way to get through to the person the first time.
How to deal with these situations:
Emotions: When the person is distracted due to emotions, you should opt to be respectful and ask how you can help. Then, taking direction from how they respond, you either choose do something different in the communication or be polite and withdraw.
Demanding Priorities: If the person is overwhelmed by demanding tasks or waiting clients, that take priority, you might be able to choose another time to communicate with them when they have time to get ready to listen.
Self-Distraction: If they are self-distracted by trying to multi-tasking with their technology it may be bad behavior that requires a sensitive discussion. If non-essential tasks are making them inattentive, you may need to approach this in an entirely different manner, depending on your role as that person’s co-worker or supervisor, or friend.
Habit: If this person in the habit of not listening, instead of fixating on their flaws in communicating, you need to earn their trust and create a safe space for them to express themselves. Once you earn their trust, they may be more apt to care more about your thoughts and ideas.
When in doubt about why the other person has difficulty listening, it certainly will do not harm to ask good questions. Just be sure you are honest and sensitive and keep whatever you learn private.
Strategy #2 - Help the person become a better listener
The person may need to work on their listening skills, but instead of becoming irritated, you could help that individual become a better listener. Here are six things you could do.
Listening is a skill. So is making people listen to you.
This is especially sensitive if it is your boss or supervisor. You cannot demand attention or be offensive. Yet you want to be honest and you want to be heard and understood by the people who lead you. People say they want to know the truth. Yet, how many people do you know who actually embrace tough feedback? In practice, people generally shun hearing the truth about their performance.
You have probably had a boss or supervisor that goes through the motions of acting like he or she listened but in reality, it has been one-way communication ending in the boss cutting you off with his own thoughts or responded with something like: “Life’s not fair” or “You’ll get over it”.
What to do about it? You can adopt new strategies, but first you need to make a calm and unbiased assessment of the dymanics of your relationship with that person.
1. Analyze the situation
First you should analyze the situation and dynamics of your team without letting your emotions color your perception.
Start by observing your boss at meetings, with other people.
Can you identify times when the boss did listen attentively?
You should consider the topic and content of the conversation that might affect how the boss listens.
There are many reasons for the boss's having poor listening ability. Here are nine common reasons:
Part of your role is to support your leadership, so figuring out how to productively communicate with your manager must be strategic because you want to set the tone for success. Make sure you understand how decisions are made in the organization, and get to know who the resident experts are in particular subjects. This may reduce the need to get responses directly from the manager who never listens well.
When you determine that your leaders is experiencing cognitive overload you may need to take other measures:
When post discussion feedback and follow-up emails are the norm manager and supervisors will be more inclined to listen the next time.
Compulsive talkers can drive you crazy and make it nearly impossible to get work done or interfere with you taking a break to relax. You probably find it difficult to listen and dread the next time. In a social setting, it is easier to politely excuse yourself, but in the workplace this is much more difficult, especially if a coworker monopolizes a meeting with endless chatter or a manager keeps you late by telling never-ending stories. When this kind of problem become burdensome, you should not ignore it. Addressing the problem rather than letting it simmer allows you to move past it.
Listen First: When a person is looking for attention, being a good listener and some caring interaction may fulfill her needs and make it easier to cut the conversation short.
Polite Interruption: This is your best choice, especially when you have a busy schedule and need your energy and concentration. When a conversation is frivolous or repetitious, and you are preoccupied by a busy schedule or nagging deadline you may become so irritated or distracted you may not listen anyway. A polite interrupt is better for both parties. How do you do that? If you find yourself in conversation with someone who is over-talking, do not hesitate to interrupt after a polite period of time.
Walk away: When you have addressed the issue in gentle polite ways and nothing seems to work, you should not feel bad about walking away.
